healing.
- My biopsy went well-my nephrologist says I’m the poster child for kidney biopsies. I’m thinking of updating my resume to include “responds well to 18 gage needles in back,” “has a pleasant attitude when poked and prodded for blood work every few hours,” and “honestly enjoys hospital food.”
- The kidney damage was at stage three, which means it is reversible and I should fully recover with the aid of some strong long-term meds. My blood work has already improved significantly, and it’s only been a few weeks. I’ll be on fewer steroids, though. I’ll miss the euphoria but not the desire to eat everything in sight.
- My hair is growing back! My comb-over days will soon be over and you all can tell me how cute I look.
- BIGGEST RELIEF: I don’t have to do chemotherapy.
a late night post
i got an appointment for a specialist in april, so it looks like for the next three months i’ll be waking up every morning, hoping that my fingers aren’t swollen and that i can walk.
i’m supposed to put on a brave face and be a grownup and be positive about all of this, but i’m not. i spend most of my days feeling like i’m going to die and that no one will notice. i’ve spent so much of my life feeling like i’m not good enough, that i don’t fit in, and that no one cares. i was almost at the point where i was okay with myself and now my own body has turned on me. the universe is cruel.
health things
i went to the doctor on thursday about all my health problems.
good news:
- i lost another 10 pounds, which means that in the past year and a half i’ve lost 22.2 pounds. i weigh as much as i did before i started anti-depressants. i’m halfway to my ideal weight.
- i don’t hate my doctor anymore! i made it clear that i wanted to be treated holistically and that i wanted to get to the root of my problems rather than be medicated for symptoms. he was okay with this. he was also okay with me telling him that i basically webmd’d myself.
- same-day appointments, y’all. i saw my gp and a radiologist and went to the lab in less than two hours, no waiting.
bad news:
- i haven’t been working out (aside from yoga), so some of the weight loss is not something i’ve done to better myself. i have no control over it.
- i have no appetite. my default is ‘eat all the things,’ but now i can’t finish a single serving of oatmeal or soup. i think i’m eating enough to nourish myself, but the change is still disturbing.
- my gp is uncertain as to what is causing all of this, so i had blood drawn and x-rays taken. our suggested diagnoses were fairly similar: fibromyalgia, celiac, rheumatoid arthritis. arthritis at 24. jesus.
- when my hands and knees swell up, it terrifies me. one of my biggest fears is losing my ability to use my hands.
haterade monday: my body
not in the way that you’d think. no reblogs.
last year i was ‘diagnosed’ (basically i made my idiot GP run tests after years of him not giving a shit about treating anything other than symptoms. this same guy wrote me a prescription for anti depressants after a 20 minute session) with polycystic ovarian syndrome. it makes sense-i have gain weight around my middle, facial hair growth, slow metabolism, anxiety/depression.
now there might be something else, but i don’t know what it is yet. i always get incredibly depressed in the winter, so i’ve been taking vitamin d pills and using a light box, but the sense of fatigue is incredible-this past weekend i took three naps at 4 hours each, in addition to getting 7 hours of sleep each night. i wake up feeling more tired and i have difficulty moving. i’m having trouble typing this with my left hand. my fingers are swollen and it hurts to bend them. my hands and feet are always cold. i sleep with the heat turned up, socks, slippers, leg warmers, warm pants, two shirts, a sweatshirt, thick comforter and an extra blanket and i still wake up feeling like someone used me as a punching bag.
i think it could be fibromyalgia, celiac disease, or lupus. i’m really scared, and really tired of always feeling like shit. i’m calling the allergy clinic to make an appointment and finding a new general practitioner today.
